ST. LOUIS POST-DISPATCH
Thursday, Jun. 10 2010

Gore breakup warrants sorrow, not cheers
By Colleen Carroll Campbell

Al and Tipper Gore stuck together through bruising national political
campaigns, struggles with depression and the near-death of their son in a car
accident. So their separation after 40 years of marriage — announced last week
in a terse e-mail to friends that described their split as "a mutual and
mutually supportive decision" — is surprising. Even more surprising is the
public reaction that followed.

Far from lamenting the breakup as a sad ending to what appeared to be a happy
union, or expressing regret for its effects on the couple's four children and
three grandchildren, many scholars and social commentators have been tripping
over themselves to congratulate the unhappy couple.

"Not only should we respect their decision, but in some ways we should rejoice
in it," wrote Gore family friend and Washington Post columnist Sally Quinn, who
lauded the couple for reminding us that today's longer life spans make lifelong
marriage vows "totally unrealistic."

Stephanie Coontz, an oft-quoted academic known for deconstructing traditional
ideas about marriage, told ABC News that we should not view the Gores' breakup
as a failure. Instead, she said, "It's a success that they have the option to
move on and not be stuck."

Wharton School economist Betsey Stevenson concurred, explaining to The New York
Times that the Gores' split is really "a celebration" that reveals "how much
optimism they have for the rest of their lives."

Across the airwaves, op-ed pages and blogosphere, elite opinion makers have
labeled the impending divorce of one of America's most prominent political
couples as everything from "the iconic baby boomer act" to proof positive of
the Gores' "dignity," "class" and refusal to "live a lie" or to "settle" for
less than marital bliss in their golden years.

The determination of the chattering classes to find the silver lining in this
silver divorce is understandable, given that many pundits harbor deep fondness
for Al Gore's politics and deep ambivalence, if not outright antipathy, toward
conventional views of marriage. And of course, no one wants to be seen as
judgmental about divorce in a culture that has a 40 percent divorce rate for
first-time marriages, up from 16 percent in 1960.

Still, there's a dark side to all this congratulatory commentary about what is,
after all, a broken home and a broken promise. Some separations are unavoidable
and necessary, particularly when abuse is involved. But celebrating an
apparently amicable split of two older adults who, by all accounts, simply
"grew apart," is a dangerous move for a culture already teetering on the brink
of marital breakdown.

When we lavish praise on the "brave" and "optimistic" spouses who choose to
walk out on their marriages, we implicitly disparage the courage and hope of
those other spouses who choose to work through their marital rough patches and
honor the vows they made on sunnier days. Breaking a promise and keeping a
promise are not equally commendable acts. Praising them equally only reinforces
the cynicism about marriage that leads many young adults to turn their backs on
the institution altogether.

Treating divorce as the answer to marital troubles also ignores the variable
nature of marital happiness. A 2002 study led by University of Chicago
sociologist Linda Waite found no evidence that unhappily married adults who
divorced tended to be happier than the unhappily married ones who stayed
married. In fact, the study found that two-thirds of unhappily married spouses
who persevered through bleak times reported that their marriages were happy
five years later. And the unhappiest spouses reaped the greatest benefits from
staying put: Among those who described their marriages as very unhappy, nearly
eight in 10 who stuck it out were happily married five years later.

A more recent study, led by New Zealand clinical psychologist Kate Scott and
published in the British journal Psychological Medicine, examined a decade of
international mental health surveys and found substantial benefits to staying
married. While ending a marriage increases the risk of substance abuse for
women and depression for men, the study found, being married reduces risks of
depression and anxiety for both.

In a commitment-phobic culture that makes breaking up easy to do, that's the
sort of news we ought to be publicizing — and celebrating.

Colleen Carroll Campbell is a St. Louis-based author, former presidential
speechwriter and television and radio host of "Faith & Culture" on EWTN. Her
website is www.colleen-campbell.com.