ST. LOUIS POST-DISPATCH
Thursday, Apr. 08 2010

Get thee to the altar
By Colleen Carroll Campbell

Everyone knows it's a mistake to marry too soon. But are there drawbacks to
dawdling on your way to the altar?

The question is a pressing one, given the rising age of first marriage in
America. At 28 for men and 26 for women, our median marrying age today is five
years older for both men and women than it was in 1970, and the oldest it's
been since the U.S. Census began tracking it in the 1890s.

The question of an ideal marriage age is even more pressing in light of a new
Pew Research Center survey that found a spike in the number of young adults
choosing to return to their parents' nest rather than build their own. Branded
as "boomerangers," these young adults who move back in with Mom and Dad after
college or a few years in the work force now account for a fifth of all
Americans ages 25 to 34, up from just over a tenth in 1980.

While tight finances and a tough job market have fueled the cluttered-nest
craze, researchers say delayed marriage is also a crucial driver. And they say
the marrying age may keep rising as more young adults opt to extend their
adolescent freedoms and dependence on their parents into their late 20s and
beyond.

Many parents are happy to see their children take their time in tying the knot,
given the conventional wisdom that an early marriage is a ticket to divorce.
Teen marriage is, indeed, a risky venture: According to the University of
Virginia's National Marriage Project, marrying as a teenager is the highest
known risk factor for divorce. People who marry in their teens are two to three
times more likely to divorce than those who marry at older ages.

Yet the major benefit for marital stability comes from delaying marriage past
the teen years into the early 20s. After that, the benefits of delaying
marriage are debatable, and some research suggests that couples who marry
earlier may wind up happier.

A 2009 study led by University of Texas sociologist Norval Glenn, which
measured marital success both in terms of marriage survival rates and the
quality of marital relationships, found that couples who wed between the ages
of 22 and 25 experienced "the highest marital success." The study concluded
that "most persons have little or nothing to gain in the way of marital success
by deliberately postponing marriage beyond the mid-twenties."

The reasons for greater marital success among these younger spouses surely
vary. One factor may be the malleability of youth: Spouses may be more open to
the compromises a successful marriage demands if they have not spent a decade
or more getting set in their single ways.

Another factor may be the intense bond spouses experience when they are living
with a romantic partner for the first time, rather than having spent years on
the treadmill of serial cohabitation with a revolving cast of potential mates.
Although many young adults see living together as a harmless way to "test
drive" partners before opting for marriage, an analysis of studies on the topic
published this year in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that
cohabitation before marriage has "a significant negative association with both
marital stability and marital quality."

Marrying young is not the answer for everyone, of course. But neither is it the
foolhardy move that our popular culture portrays it to be. For young adults who
have found the person they want to spend their lives with — and for women who
hope to bear several children before advanced age and declining fertility
hinder their chances — marrying sooner rather than later can be a wise choice.

And it sure beats bunking with Mom and Dad.

Colleen Carroll Campbell is a St. Louis-based author, former presidential
speechwriter and television and radio host of "Faith & Culture" on EWTN. Her
website is www.colleen-campbell.com.